Finagle's First Law:  If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

Finagle's Second Law: No matter what the anticipated result, there will always be someone eager to (a) misinterpret it, (b) fake it, or (c) believe it happened to his own pet theory.

Finagle's Third Law:  In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.  Corollaries:

1.                  No one whom you ask for help will see it.

2.                  Everyone who stops by with unsought advice will see it immediately.

Finagle's Fourth Law:  Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.

Finagle's Rules:

1.                  To study a subject best, understand it thoroughly before you start.

2.                  Always keep a record of data-it indicates you've been working.

3.                  Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.

4.                  In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

5.                  Experiments should be reproducible-they should all fail in the same way.

6.                  Do not believe in miracles-rely on them.

Wingo's Axiom: All Finagle Laws may be bypassed by learning the simple art of doing without thinking.

Gumperson's Law: The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.

Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations:  Negative expectations yield negative results.  Positive expectations yield negative results.

Osborn's Law: Variables won't; constants aren't.

Skinner's Constant:  That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to, or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should have gotten.

Murphy's Law of Research:  Enough research will tend to support your theory.

Williams and Holland's Law: If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods.

Edington's Theory:  The number of different hypotheses erected to explain a given biological phenomenon is inversely proportional to the available knowledge.

Harvard Law:  Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, the other variables, the organism will do as it damn well pleases.

Rule of Accuracy:  When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.

Young's Law:  All great discoveries are made by mistake.  Corollary:  The greater the funding, the longer it takes to make the mistake.

Futility Factor: No experiment is ever a complete failure-it can always serve as a negative example.

Meskimen's Law:  There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.

Mr. Cooper's Law: If you do not understand a particular word in a piece of technical writing, ignore it.  The piece will make perfect sense without it.

Levy's Ninth Law:  Only God can make random selection.